


Grief of the Damned ~ A Dragon Age Story

by KehdanaRutherford



Category: Cullen Rutherford - Fandom, Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Fantasy - Fandom, Inquisitor/female
Genre: Action/Adventure, Amazing, DAMNED, Dalish, Dalish Elves, Death, Dragon Age - Freeform, Dragon Age Inquisition, Elf, Fanfiction, Good, Great story to fill in blanks of game, Grief, Haven, Inquisition, Jader, Little Smutty, Love, Mabari, Mabari Puppies, Mages and Templars, Multi, Pirates, Pre-Dragon Age: Inquisition, Romance, Rutherford - Freeform, Sailing, Skyhold, Smut, Templars (Dragon Age), The Fade, The feels, Thedas, cullen rutherford - Freeform, good to read, lavellan - Freeform, rip your heart out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2018-11-21 15:17:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11360094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KehdanaRutherford/pseuds/KehdanaRutherford
Summary: Meet Kehdana Lavellan and follow her through the heart wrenching trials and victories throughout Thedas and into the arms of her loving Commander.





	1. Kehdana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the Lavellan Clan's First, Kehdana.  
> Elven Language Guide in the notes!

The cool rushing water pulsed around Kehdana’s bare body as she swam in the river, soaking in the beautiful forest landscape one last time. The Keeper, Deshanna Istimaethoriel Lavellan, was sending her to the Divine Conclave so she could spy on the proceedings called together by Divine Justinia between the warring mages and templars. Kehdana was saddened to leave her clan behind, but she has always craved an adventure. She knew would miss the freedom that the forest provided though, and the stones, she thought to herself as she dove beneath the crisp water. 

She propelled herself deeper, keen elf eyes open, scanning for the beautiful crystals that always hid at the bottom of the river. A glinting quartz stole her attention and she shifted some rocks to free it. It’s perfect, she thought and she admired the gem’s white shimmering facets for a moments before kicking off the riverbed and bobbing back into the fresh forest air. She gazed up at the brilliantly blue sky with emerald green eyes and daydreamed about the journeys that awaited her.

“Kehdana!!” The distant call turned her head and she carefully swam towards the bank, ears alert. “There you are Kehdana! The Keeper sent me to find you, she says your boat is secured,” Ewan tromped down the bank towards her, breathing heavily. “You’re always so elusive,” he huffed, stopping dead in his tracks when he realized Kehdana was unclad. She stood up as she concluded the lack of danger and Ewan’s eyes followed the water down her pale skin for a moment before he spun around, flushed. 

“It’s completely natural for an elf; we live in the forest, for Evanuris sake” she said reassuringly as she pushed the crystal into his hand. The dark skinned elf stared at the quartz briefly before rushing after Kehdana, who had assumed a quick pace towards the Lavellan camp. 

“What do you think is going to happen at the Temple of Sacred Ashes?” Ewan questioned as he finally matched her stride. She shot him a sideways glance as she shrugged her shoulders. 

Ewan grasped Kehdana’s hand to stop her and she turned to face him. “Are you happy to be leaving?” his voice sounded strained and his brow furrowed. 

Kehdana regarded the somber elf, “Do you remember the first time we met?”

“Of course, we were kids, you had just been sent here from another clan after your magic began to manifest.” Ewan gave a hearty laugh, “You refused to wear your robes back then, too.” Kehdana joined in his laughter this time.

“You always took care of me; from the day I arrived. You were never concerned with the fact that I was from another clan, or that I looked differently and acted strangely. You’re my lethallin,” she cooed sweetly, squeezing his hand that still clasped hers. 

Ewan heaved a sigh, shoulders slumping forward, “You’re coming back, right?”

Kehdana boomed a laugh and gave Ewan’s back a firm clap. “I’ll race you to my aravel!” she yelled as she took off sprinting. Ewan sprung into action, knowing he couldn't beat Kehdana, no one could match her speed or agility in the woodlands. Ever since Kehdana was relocated to the Lavellan clan, she spent her every spare moment perambulating the forest; all of the creatures who inhabited the land seemed to accept her presence, and she made fast friends with most.

When Ewan finally reached the aravel, Kehdana had already donned fur lined armor and wrangled her thick red waves into a long braid that fell over her shoulder. “You… cheated…” he panted, hunched over with this hands on his knees. “Lack of… armor… boots… those things can… whoo… is it hot?”

Kehdana smirked as she pushed passed the exhausted Ewan towards the herd of halla gathered on the opposite side the aravel. Ayala, the halla tender, nodded slightly and smiled at Kehdana. “How are the halla today, Ayala?” asked Kehdana, returning the grin.

The slight elderly lady gestured at the smallest of the beautiful white halla and said, “He knows something is shifting. He won't be happy here without you, da’vehnan.” The old woman’s eyes glistened and the faintest sadness touched the edges of her voice. Kehdana’s stomach lurched and twisted itself into knots at the thought of leaving Ayala and the herd; she had spent so much time helping to shepherd the halla, learning from Ayala how to listen to and befriend them. She had bonded deeply with the runt that Ayala spoke of; she named him Suledin, in elvish it means to find strength in enduring pain or loss.

Kehdana stepped over to him placing one hand on his delicately carved antler while the other scratched his chin, “Oh, Sul…” The beast leaned towards her, closing his eyelids.

“You should take him,” Ayala said. Kehdana faced the woman, her expression confused. “Let him guide you to the port near Kirkwall, then you can release him there. He would be happier freeing you and then being free himself than staying here without you.” The old woman placed a weathered hand on Kehdana’s shoulder and Kehdana leaned down to embrace her; for the first time since Kehdana found out that she was leaving, she didn’t want to go. 

Before she could compose her thoughts and find words for Ayala, the woman rightened her dutifully and gave her shoulders a slight shake. “You have a calling to attend to. Dareth shiral, ma vhenan,” the woman nodded deeply then turned away and Kehdana, with one last glance at the frail Ayala, made her way to the Keeper’s aravel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven Language Guide
> 
> Ar lath- I love you.  
> Ar lasa mala revas- You are free; I give you your freedom.  
> Da’len- Little one.  
> Da’mi- Little blade (term of endearment).  
> Dareth shiral- Farewell; safe journey.  
> Da’vehnan- Little heart (term of endearment).  
> Dirthara-ma- May you learn (used as a curse).  
> Evanuris- The elven pantheon or “the creators.”  
> Falon- Friend.  
> Falon’Din enasal enaste- A prayer for the dead.  
> Ghilas- Go or to go.  
> Ir- I am.  
> Ir abelas- I’m sorry.  
> Lasa ghilan- Grant me guidance.  
> Lathbora viran- Roughly translated, "the path to a place of lost love,"/ a longing for a thing one can never really know.  
> Lethallin (male)/Lethallan (female)- Family or clansman.  
> Ma melana sahlin- My time is come.  
> Ma serannas- Thank you or my thanks.  
> Ma vhenan- My heart.  
> Na melava halani- You helped me.


	2. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kehdana prepares for the journey ahead.

Keeper Deshanna, whose years far surpassed that of Ayala's, was much less frail. Her beautiful features were still sharp, her body still powerful, and her deeply tanned skin barely wrinkled with age; the only true sign of the Keeper’s elderliness was her flowing silver hair and the wisdom in her eyes. The tall woman saw Kehdana’s approach and motioned for her to follow as she started towards the edge of camp. “Keeper Deshanna,” Kehdana chimed with a small bow as she reached the slender Keeper whose gray robes nodded gently around her ankles. Deshanna was standing next to a small pack and Kehdana again felt the sudden reality of her departure with a terrified shutter. 

The Keeper regarded her First with piercing blue eyes for a moment before asking gently, “Are you nearly ready, da’len?” 

Kehdana tried to swallow at the lump forming in her throat a few times before replying, “I am.” Her voice was shakier than she expected and her body felt tense and nervous without notice. Deshanna moved to wrap one arm around Kehdana’s shoulder and for a moment they stared silently at the wilderness laid out ahead of them. 

“I know that there has always been a part of you that wanted to know what more was out there. The other clans, different lands, and the humans… A piece of you feels like you’ve never truly belonged here, and knowing those that you came from… have passed on… only adds to your feelings of estrangement,” Deshanna’s tone was soft and brought Kehdana a great deal of comfort. There was another long moment of silence and then Deshanna gestured towards the hide pack laying in the grass; Kehdana stooped over it, beginning to rummage through the contents. “There should be enough food to keep you for your travels, some coin for your spot on the ship, extra supplies or to get you out of trouble, should you find any. Ewan foraged berries for you while out hunting, Gathon forged you a dagger, Eloll crafted you a few healing potions, and… Ayala has asked that Suledin go with you,” the Keeper’s lovely face creased lightly at the brow.

Kehdana fought back the tears suddenly welling inside her, and for some reason she felt as though she were leaving forever. Her searching fingers tangled into a cold metal chain, and she tugged a shining amulet from the bag. The elf’s eyes darted to her Keeper, “Your amulet… Deshanna, I...”

“I need you to take it,” the Keeper said matter-of-factly as she kneeled beside Kehdana. “I know very well that what I ask of you could be dangerous; you’re a mage, traveling through warring lands filled with templars who have been taught to fear you. The outcome of the Divine Conclave could greatly affect us. This is a reminder of your home, your people… and your duty as my apprentice.”

Kehdana’s hand closed tightly around the amulet, “I won’t fail you.”

The Keeper leaned forward and lightly kissed Kehdana’s forehead, “I know, da’len.” Deshanna stood tall again and helped Kehdana back to her feet. “I was able to locate a small ship that’s not asking any questions, it’s located at an old port just outside of Kirkwall. There will be a lot of refugees, poor, and fleeing mages on the boat; do try your best to blend in. The voyage should only take a fortnight, perhaps a little less, but there should be plenty of time for your trek into the Frostback Mountains. I don’t know how long the proceedings will be, this is a nasty war, but you can send word as soon as you arrive.” Kehdana nodded firmly.

“Gather your things da’len, you need to be departing soon.”

Kehdana grabbed the small pack from the ground and went back to her aravel for her other belongings. Eloll and Gathon were waiting outside; they wanted to wish her luck and send her off with a proper goodbye. She thanked them for their gifts and assured them that they would help her immensely. Once the couple began to saunter back to their aravel, reminiscing the tiny Kehdana that they had watched grow, Kehdana headed back to the herd of halla. Ayala was off, tending to other matters, but Suledin lay in the grass away from all the other grazing beasts. 

Kehdana slowly crossed the patch of majestic animals to the smaller halla; as she neared him, she could feel his nervous aura more strongly. Halla are intelligent and emotional creatures, they typically bond with the Halla Master and build a form of friendship. Suledin, however, bonded with Kehdana. She had helped rescue him from the Brecillian Forest when she was but a blooming girl and he a helpless fawn; a happenstance meeting as Kehdana was being shuffled between clans. Against all odds, he survived the werewolf corruption that infected the Dalish clan and nearby forest; thanks to the help of a gallant Grey Warden who brought the curse to an end. Kehdana never once left his side while he recovered and Ayala taught her all she needed to know to care for Sul.

Suledin lifted his head to greet Kehdana and she kneeled to scratch the spot between his ear and horn, his favorite. “You’re coming, too. For some of it anyways,” the animal shifted its body in response; for being a runt, the halla still far outweighed the lean elf. “Come on, Sul. You can carry my bags for the first portion of our hike,” Kehdana stood and fastened her bags together but Suledin was still unmoved. The elf released a shrill whistle but the great animal only twitched its ears, annoyed. “Oh, I see,” Kehdana groaned, dropping her bags back to the ground and fishing out the small satchel of berries. Suledin instantly reacted; he gathered his powerful legs beneath him and rose in a tide of rippling muscles. The creature delicately ate the berries from Kehdana’s hand and then allowed her to situate the packs on his back.

Am I ready for this? Kehdana asked herself as her eyes scanned her gear, trying to remember anything she may have forgotten. As ready as I’m going to get, I suppose, she confirmed silently before directing her companion towards the Keeper’s aravel. 

“Da’len,” Deshanna proclaimed, opening her arms wide. Kehdana walked into her embrace, grasping her tightly. “Are you set?” the Keeper asked pushing Kehdana back far enough to scan her face. 

“Ir,” Kehdana confirmed, more confidently than before. She knew what had to be done, and she was ready to do it; for her clan. 

Ewan rushed up to the women, scooping Kehdana up into a hug. “You better watch yourself out there in the big bad world, lethallan,” he teased, squeezing her tightly before releasing her back to the ground.

Kehdana laughed and retorted wildly, “Oh, no one wants to mess with this big bad mage!” With a snap of her fingers her entire hand was devoured in flickering blue flame. The Keeper cleared her throat loudly and the fire crackled out immediately; Kehdana’s cheeks flushed red and she felt like a fool.

“Do not forget what I have taught you,” Deshanna said tenderly. “I have one more thing for you, da’len,” she said as she disappeared into her aravel.

Kehdana fastened the dagger that Gathon smithed for her to her armor while watching Ewan rub Suledin’s forehead, he was murmuring quietly to the creature. I won’t be gone forever, maybe only two month, three tops. I’ve always wanted to venture, but now that it’s here… 

“It’s ironbark,” the Keeper said, snapping Kehdana from her daze. “Something our ancestors used to craft with; the art has mostly been lost, but there are a few elves who have relearned and preserved the tradition.”

Kehdana stopped short of taking the staff, her eyes dancing across its beautiful twists and knots. The dark wood had almost no imperfections and the craftsmanship was remarkable. “I can’t take this,” Kehdana stuttered, shocked by the generous notion. Deshanna pressed the staff into the elf’s partially outstretched hands; the wood was lighter than Kehdana expected, but it was cool to the touch and it hummed with power. “Deshanna… I…”

“It’s okay, da’len. You are ready now. Ar lasa mala revas. Dareth shiral,” the Keeper bowed her forehead to touch Kehdana’s.

“Ar lath, Deshanna,” Kehdana responded, righting herself. The Keeper’s eyes held Kehdana’s for a moment, then Deshanna swept off gracefully, leaving Suledin and Ewan standing with Kehdana at the border of the Dalish camp.

Kehdana lashed the ironbark staff to her back and turned to face Ewan; her brain always failed to find words when her emotions ran rampant, and she hated showing her emotions for fear of appearing weak. He smiled crookedly at her, the worry in his eyes all too apparent. She hugged the gangly elf again, ruffling his black curly hair as she pulled away. 

“Dareth shiral, lethallan. I’ll see you soon,” Ewan managed to fumble out. Kehdana smiled brightly at him, her mind still unable to vocalize her thoughts. She whistled sharply, eliciting a small coo of acknowledgement from Suledin, and then spun on her heels to begin into the woods while fighting her every urge to look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven Language Guide
> 
> Ar lath- I love you.  
> Ar lasa mala revas- You are free; I give you your freedom.  
> Da’len- Little one.  
> Da’mi- Little blade (term of endearment).  
> Dareth shiral- Farewell; safe journey.  
> Da’vehnan- Little heart (term of endearment).  
> Dirthara-ma- May you learn (used as a curse).  
> Evanuris- The elven pantheon or “the creators.”  
> Falon- Friend.  
> Falon’Din enasal enaste- A prayer for the dead.  
> Ghilas- Go or to go.  
> Ir- I am.  
> Ir abelas- I’m sorry.  
> Lasa ghilan- Grant me guidance.  
> Lathbora viran- Roughly translated, "the path to a place of lost love,"/ a longing for a thing one can never really know.  
> Lethallin (male)/Lethallan (female)- Family or clansman.  
> Ma melana sahlin- My time is come.  
> Ma serannas- Thank you or my thanks.  
> Ma vhenan- My heart.  
> Na melava halani- You helped me.


	3. The Hell-Borne Knave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To the port!

The venture to Kirkwall took only three days and two nights; the excursion was smooth, Kehdana saw nothing but dense forest and lush plains for the first two days. They spent the nights out under the open stars in the warm air; not that Kehdana slept, her mind was in constant motion. She wondered what would come next; what would she see? Who would she meet? Suledin was still anxious, but felt much more at ease being out in the wild with Kehdana.

On the third day, Kehdana began catching sight of people in the distance, a sure sign they were nearing Kirkwall. Most of the people she saw were in distress; fleeing the shambling city, evading the pissed Templars, and there was mixture of apostates and blood mages cavorting about. No one paid Kehdana or Suledin any attention though and they were careful to flank the distraught city, keeping to the thinning treeline.

A bit after the sun had passed it’s peak, the old port came into sight. It was apparent to Kehdana, even at a distance, that they no longer maintained these docks once they build the new port closer to the city. There were only four ships docked near the rotting planks, all of them shady and unkempt with dirty crews standing nearby. All manners of people swarmed below; shoving and yelling, trying to free themselves from the devastation in Kirkwall. It was a disheartening sight and Kehdana took a steadying breath to calm herself.

She turned and unfastened the packs from Suledin, pulling out the last of the dark juicy berries that Ewan had gathered for her. The great halla’s ears perked up and he leaned his mass ever so gently against the elf, who slowly fed him the berries. “I'm going to miss you, Sul,” Kehdana said gently beginning to scratch between his ear and his antler. The animal made a short wheezing sound and Kehdana could sense his energy growing nervous again. “I will come back and I will find you when all of this is over,” she assured him, or perhaps she was trying to assure herself.

Suledin’s body was gradually pressing harder against Kehdana and a heavy feeling of sadness washed through him, reaching the elf; he was beginning to understand that she was leaving. Kehdana threw her arms around the thick white neck, burying her face into the fine fur as she always did when she felt uneasy. Sul bleated softly as Kehdana pulled back. “Go,” she urged the creature, motioning back towards the thicker forest. Suledin took a couple unsure steps backwards but his eyes never left the elf. “Ar lath, ghilas!” she called.

The animal lowered its eyes and walked back to Kehdana, pressing his nose into the elf’s chest. She rubbed his snout, feeling more remorse stir within her soul. “Ma serannas, falon,” she whispered before planting a kiss on the soft nose. The halla chuffed a few times and Kehdana knew that he now fully grasped what was happening. She backed away from him and he did not advance, he only followed her with large swimming eyes.

She heaved the sacks up and over her shoulder, eyes sadly regarding Suledin. She faced the port and slowly began picking her way down the overgrown hillside, eyes scanning the masses ahead. After a few minutes she reached the bottom and the yells that had seemed so distant only moments ago were now echoing all around her, inescapable. The elf turned her eyes back up to the timberline and she swore she could still see Suledin’s white figure lingering in the distant shadows. Frantic crying nearby stole her attention and her body reacted, moving swiftly towards the sound. A child, maybe? Kehdana wondered as she dodged her way through people who were too preoccupied with their own problems.

Her eyes fell upon a boy sitting next to a woman through the crowd. The older woman was sitting against a stone wall, knees pulled into her chest, and her head buried in her lap; the boy, face covered in dirt and streaked with tears, was angled towards her crying hysterically. “What’s going on here?” Kehdana asked as she neared the boy, who looked at her and tried to respond but simply gurgled and choked on his tears. Kehdana kneeled down beside him, gasping slightly as she realized she had knelt in a pool of blood. 

The boy grasped the woman’s shoulders with both hands and began shaking her violently, screaming warbled through tears, “Wake up! Grandma!” The gray haired woman rocked back and forth unresponsively and Kehdana realized that the blood was coming from a deep gash in the woman’s stomach. The elf scooped the screaming kid into her arms, holding him tightly against her and trying to calm him. 

“What happened?” she asked gently after the crying had subsided a little. The boy sniffed, his brown hair was as filthy as his face, and his grimy hands gripped Kehdana’s armor as though it was all that kept him on this earth.

“The templars…” he mumbled quietly. 

Kehdana stole a glance at the elderly woman’s body, “The templars did this?” The boy nodded gravely, his bloodshot brown eyes careful to not stray from Kehdana’s face. “Why?” she questioned as tenderly as she could, trying to hide the quiver in her voice.

“They killed papa, too,” the boy said, glancing down briefly. “Because he was magic…” his voice was barely a whisper and Kehdana felt her heart skip a beat. The war waged upon mages had seemed only an obscure nightmare; until now. She scrambled to think of words, she couldn’t evade saying something in this moment. “Grandma was trying to send me to mama, to save me. The templars said they had to be sure… they couldn’t let more mages destroy us…” he continued. Tears started to roll down his cheeks and he quickly buried his face into Kehdana’s armor.

The elf soothed the child, stroking his wild hair a few times. “Where is your mum?” she asked once the tiny sobs had ceased again. 

The boy rubbed his hand across his face, smearing the dirt and tears, “Jader.”

Kehdana felt lighter instantly, “Well, it looks like we’re going to the same place. Care to accompany me to Jader…?”

“Arthur,” the boy responded, seeing the question on Kehdana’s face.

“Pleasure to meet you Ser Arthur. I’m Kehdana,” she introduced herself warmly. 

The boy’s face nearly cracked a smile, “Of course, Serah Kehdana.” Kehdana turned towards the ships when the boy uttered, “Wait!” He wiggled lightly and the mage placed him on the ground. He crossed the few steps to his departed grandmother and, after hesitating for a moment, retrieved a small pouch from her waistband. He lingered for a moment before stooping again to kiss his grandma’s cheek. The scene was a knife to the heart for the onlooking elf. 

“What was that?” Kehdana asked as Arthur returned.

“It’s all we have,” he replied faintly. He extended the small purple coin purse to Kehdana.

Kehdana closed the boy’s small hands around the velvet bag, “You hang onto that, okay?” Arthur nodded and then took Kehdana’s hand in his own as they set off to find their ship.

Each ship had a tattered wooden sign propped near the equally shabby crew to indicate where they were travelling. The small boy trod along behind Kehdana, tiny fingers tightly grasping her hand, wide eyes scouring everything they passed. Not Highever, Kehdana thought as her eyes trailed across the first sign. We’re not strictly merchandise… she read the second sign. Ah, Jader, she thought as they ambled up to the third vessel.

The ship had The Hell-Borne Knave scrolled across the wooden hull in faded and chipping red paint. That sounds fun, Kehdana mused silently. She gently tugged on Arthur’s hand and he switched directions to stay beside her. The disheveled crew, at least a dozen strong, nudged each other into silence as Kehdana and the child approached. 

“Looking for passage to Jader?” snarled the burliest of the crew as he stepped forward; Kehdana presumed this was the captain.

She strategically placed herself in front of the small boy and countered sarcastically, “That depends, are you all truly a bunch of thieves from hell?”

One of the shorter crew members to the back laughed and mocked, “Ay, I think she’s onto us boss…” 

The beefy man up front turned his head and growled at the grew before addressing Kehdana again. “You want on or not, knife-ears? We're the only ship around here not asking questions, you see,” he barked and Kehdana felt Arthur involuntarily move backwards just a breath.

The elf scrutinized the sloven men before her and then eyed their decrepit ship, “Sure, boss” she shrugged, allowing the last word to roll off her tongue irksomely. “How much coin do you want for two places?”

The husky captain eyed his prospects, making a humming sound deep within his throat. “10 sovereigns… each,” he grunted. Kehdana whistled as she dug out the pouch of coins from Deshanna, retrieving the twenty sovereigns and dropping them into the man’s blackened hand. He shoved them into his pocket and jabbed a pudgy thumb towards his craft, “Find room somewhere, keep your heads down and your mouths shut. Name’s ‘Kraken’ Rakshas, if you need anything… don’t ask for me. We leave in an hour. Or so.” His accent was heavy, and the man labored to push his words out; Kehdana thought her sensitive nose picked up the scent of rum on his breath. 

The elf bent her head in acknowledgement and then ushered the child onto to docks. “Those men were---” Arthur started, large brown eyes peering up at Kehdana. 

The expression made her heart weep; He is so young, she thought. The elf bent down and whispered, “Stay close, I promise that everything will be okay, da’len.” Arthur didn’t respond but he tightened his death grip on Kehdana’s hand as they pushed onward. The plank to the ship looked rotting and unstable, Arthur glanced questioningly at Kehdana. “I’ll be right behind you,” she said softly. 

The boy regarded the boards for a moment, then slowly he let go of the elf’s hand for the first time. He took a mistrusting step forward and the board creaked under his dainty frame. Arthur looked back at Kehdana; she smiled encouragingly, sending the boy forward. He jumped off the board, landing on the deck with a thud. He turned, a triumphant smile on his face, and extended his hand to the elf. She nimbly crossed, accepting Arthur’s hand as she dropped down onto the deck.

“Let’s find our temporary homes,” Kehdana chuckled, looking around at the other faces that filled the ship. Arthur’s expression was uneasy but he followed Kehdana deftly as they navigated around the array of cargo and mass of refugees. The vessel was decently sized; the main deck was rather large even being crowded as it was, there was a small upper helm where the Captain will no doubt be throughout the voyage, and a cluttered undercarriage. Smaller space… easier to defend, Kehdana decided as she lead Arthur down a couple of decaying stairs. 

The berth of the ship was dank and dimly lit; there was a corner stocked with crates and barrels, lined against them were filled sacks, and huddled on the floor in groups around the ship’s general gear were the unwashed faces of nervous refugees. Kehdana led them to the rear, near the cargo, placing her bags at the makeshift corner of the ship and boxes. 

“Does this look okay, Arthur?” Kehdana queried. The boy nodded and shrugged out of his light overcoat, revealing a filthy undershirt. He laid the jacket out wide on the ground and carefully sat down on one edge, crossing his legs as he patted the other half of the coat. The elf obliged, angling herself towards Arthur and mimicking his position; the light elven armor allowed her to move quite freely.

“So, what were you doing at the port?” the child pried, eyes avoiding Kehdana’s.

The elf leaned down, her voice barely a whisper, “Can you keep a secret?” Arthur’s eyes grew wide with wonder and he nodded quickly. Kehdana glanced around the room, being a tad theatrical for the child's sake as she leaned even closer, “I'm a spy. I've been sent on a mission.”

Arthur gasped and his hand flew to his mouth, brown eyes still peeled wide. “But you can't tell anyone. Promise?” Again the boy bobbed his head, and Kehdana smiled at his affirmation; although, it hardly mattered whether or not he kept her secret. “So,” she started again, “your father was a mage?”

Arthur slumped forward slightly, and Kehdana instantly regretted asking. “Yeah… that's why mom left. He wasn't going to go to the circle, he said he could control his magic all by himself,” panic was creeping into the edge of his voice and he stopped for a moment. After a deep inhale he started again, “Kirkwall started to get really bad. They were hunting people down and returning them to the Maker if they deny the Circle,” his voice strained as he pressed on. “Someone turned papa in. When they came to take him, he refused to go. They killed him right there, in front of us. Grandma grabbed me, she started running---” he trailed off.

“It's okay, you don't---”

“That's when they started saying they had to be sure. They couldn't let more mages destroy the world. They stabbed her… but she kept running. G’ma promised me that I would get to my mother; she had already sent word, my ma should be waiting. But… grandma didn't make it; and I probably would still be there if not for you,” he looked up from the dirt to Kehdana. “Thank you,” he whispered. 

The elf nearly choked trying to think of something to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven Language Guide
> 
> Ar lath- I love you.  
> Ar lasa mala revas- You are free; I give you your freedom.  
> Da’len- Little one.  
> Da’mi- Little blade (term of endearment).  
> Dareth shiral- Farewell; safe journey.  
> Da’vehnan- Little heart (term of endearment).  
> Dirthara-ma- May you learn (used as a curse).  
> Evanuris- The elven pantheon or “the creators.”  
> Falon- Friend.  
> Falon’Din enasal enaste- A prayer for the dead.  
> Ghilas- Go or to go.  
> Ir- I am.  
> Ir abelas- I’m sorry.  
> Lasa ghilan- Grant me guidance.  
> Lathbora viran- Roughly translated, "the path to a place of lost love,"/ a longing for a thing one can never really know.  
> Lethallin (male)/Lethallan (female)- Family or clansman.  
> Ma melana sahlin- My time is come.  
> Ma serannas- Thank you or my thanks.  
> Ma vhenan- My heart.  
> Na melava halani- You helped me.


	4. Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Learn more about Arthur.

Kehdana’s eyes were constantly following the refugees who moved in and out of the berth, alert for anything that might happen. Not that she was sure of the possibilities, but she knew that there were some and she wouldn't drop her guard and allow something else to happen to Arthur. The small child stirred in her lap and she glanced down, unaware that he had awoken. She flashed him a small smile but his brow was deeply furrowed and he did not return her grin.

“What did you call me earlier?” he burst out suddenly. Kehdana looked at him questioningly and the boy propped up slightly. “You called me…” his mouth moved noiselessly a few times as he tried to form the word, “day… lin?”

Kehdana chuckled, “Da’len?”

“That!” Arthur perked up, “What is that?” 

“It means… little one,” she tapped a finger on the tip of his nose at the last words and he scrunched it up cutely.

“I’m not little,” he protested earnestly, sitting up even farther.

“I suppose you're right… what about…” she paused and searched Arthur’s dirty face for a moment, “da’mi?” He stared blankly for a moment, “It means little blade… little protector or warrior.”

The boy’s scowl softened and he seemed slightly more pleased, but his face still looked puzzled. “What about,” he extended his fingers just short of the delicate lines tracing across Kehdana’s forehead, “these?”

Kehdana’s hand absentmindedly went to her brow, “I forget about it,” she mumbled. “They're vallaslin. My people often choose to bear them; the pain is a rite of adulthood and the marks themselves a devotion to our Evanuris… our gods,” she added the last part when she read the confusion on his face.

“What does it mean though?”

His queries were endearing, and the elf beamed a smile at him, “They have different meanings. Mine is dedicated to Mythal, it means the protector.”

Arthur’s lips tugged into a half smile at this, and he nodded his head to himself, remaining silent. Kehdana could tell there was something else on his mind, boiling just beneath the surface. As she was pondering his possible wonders his eyes snapped back to hers, “Can I touch your ears?” he blurted.

Kehdana couldn't help but to laugh, and oblige; she bowed her head and Arthur sat up fully, hand outstretched. His fingers first touched the sharp point of her ear, so unlike that of his human ears. “Whoa,” he gasped. “Do you think you can hear better than me?” he inquired as his hand fell back into his lap. 

The elf regarded the boy, “Maybe… but I have trained my ears to hear as well as they do. I'm sure you could, too!” she encouraged. Arthur giggled; quickly cut off by a loud rumble, and his hands flew to his empty stomach. Kehdana whipped around, grabbing her packs and throwing them open; reality crashed down on top of her as she realized her rations were but mere crumbs. 

They were about nine days into the voyage, a little more than halfway; but Kehdana’s food wasn't meant for two mouths, and the growing boy had an appetite. She handed him the last of the hardened bread crumbs and dried vegetables, “Da’mi, I have to go get more food. I need you to stay here, okay?” Arthur absentmindedly nodded, hardly tearing his attention from the food as Kehdana shoved the empty satchels into her armor and made her way to the main deck.

The deck seemed even more littered with people, and it was almost certainly dirtier than when they began; Kehdana carefully searched for crew members in the throng of faces. One is attending the rigging, she noted as she steadily picked through the masses. Two is mending the course sail, and Three is up on the yardarm; numbering the men as she headed towards the helm. She didn't realize she was holding her breath until her eyes found the captain and she exhaled, relieved. Two men stood near him, awaiting orders no doubt, and one man was hardly visible at the abaft. Seven. She pressed on, attempting to blend with those around her until she neared the stern. She ducked inside, praying no one saw her. She slipped passed the first set of closed doors, stopping in front of an open door that spilled light out into the musty hallway. 

Cautiously, Kehdana risked a glance around the edge of the trim; there sat three men around a barrel all holding cards in their dirty paws, grunting to one another occasionally. She ducked back, considering her options. Peeking once more, she declared the men to be quite enthralled with their game; her feet carried her forward, the boards blessing her with their silence. Before anyone was the wiser, she closed the gap between her and the adorned door at the far end of the hall, sliding inside and clicking the door closed behind her.

She held perfectly still, allowing her eyes to adjust to the dimness of the room; the only light fought to shine through a molded window. Within a few moments she could make out most of the space; the shape of a bed loomed in the corner with a chest at its foot, a small writing desk sat adjacent, and there was a tiny table with two rickety chairs in the middle. The table was piled with food; Bingo! Captain’s always got the booty, she mused.

She pulled out the two empty sacks from her armor, stuffing one with all the cheese it could contain and then filling the other with an array of the captain’s fruit. She grabbed one of the fluffy loaves of bread and tucked it into her armor as she crossed back to the door, listening intently for disturbances on the other side. When she heard nothing she slowly cracked the door and slipped back outside. As she tiptoed to the open door, one of the previously closed ones ripped open. A man, with sleep still filling his eyes, stared at her for a moment; the confusion clear on his face.

Acting fast, she rounded on him, clamping a hand over his mouth and shoving him back into the room. Kehdana bumped the door closed as she forced her way inside, the man tripping over his own feet and stumbling backwards. As nimble as the elf was, she gently landed on him as he hit the ground, hand still smothering any alert he could release. She focused on the power coursing through her veins and willed it to flow into the alarmed man. The shock of her power flooding his body stunned him, and his head fell back with a dull thump as his eyes rolled closed.

Kehdana stood up, her heart racing and breathing uneven. Damn, that was close, she thought, fighting to take deep breaths. She pressed her ear against the door, straining to tell if anyone had heard the commotion. When she heard nothing but the rare shuffle and grunt from next door she chanced going back out. The hall was still empty, save for the one open door which she snuck around gingerly.

Once clear, she took off swiftly, silently sprinting until she was upon the door leading to the main deck. With a stilling breath she went forward; a small girl with dirty blonde hair and a tattered dress stood before her, peering up with scared gray eyes. Kehdana knelt down and tore a large chunk of the bread off from beneath her armor, passing it to the girl's tiny hands. When her face contorted in confusion, Kehdana brought her finger up to her own lips, signaling the girl to keep her secret. With a nod, the small girl disappeared.

Kehdana returned to the berth to find Arthur gone; terrified, she quickly stowed the food in her bags and hoisted them onto her shoulder as she went back to the main deck. She listened carefully; the front of the ship seemed to be relatively quiet, and she didn't see the child anywhere. She worked her way down the ship again, scouring the people and cargo for a hidden Arthur, when a scream rang out above the tumult of the ship.

She raced towards the cry, not caring who's way she got in. A crowd of men, some of them crew members, stood in a menacing circle around muffled wails. “What’s going on here?” she yelled, turning the mob’s attention attention to her.

The men turned on her, snarling; a taller man pushed forward from the center of the ring. “Dahna!” was yelled from behind the group and, sure that it was Arthur, Kehdana took an unwilling step forward as her protective nature took over. “What the fuck are you doing?” she snapped fiercely.

“We're going to purge the mage!” the stocky man sneered and Kehdana saw the flash of a blade in his hand.

“That's a child, you monster,” she shot back taking another, more confident, step towards him as she dropped her packs to the deck. He hesitated for a moment before making a disgusted noise and turning his back to retreat into the circle.

“Kill the abomination!” he yelled, rallying his mates.

Kehdana allowed her rage to burst forth, both her hands quickly swallowed in flame, “You don't want to do that.” Many in the group backed down at the sight of her, but the leader whirled around with a fury that matched her own burning in his eyes.

“New plan,” he muttered, “kill the witch bitch.” With his grimace set the man lunged forward, wickedly quick, raising his knife to the elf. She was faster though, and the fire from her hands shot to the man; he was devoured in flames and collapsed to his knees in a pile of screams. She quickly reined herself in and the fires crackled out, leaving the man scorched and shaken but unharmed. Anyone who had been standing nearby cleared out, only a sobbing Arthur curled up on the deck and the man who tried to kill him remained.

The man sat up, sputtering with fear, “Please… don't kill me… I'll do anything…” One of his hands was raised in a pathetic attempt to shield himself from the oncoming Kehdana.

She bent down and gathered his tunic in her fists; pulling him in close she snarled, “You will keep everyone away from us. This was your fault and we will not suffer for it.” The man mumbled, fear spread across his face. “Do you understand?” she asked, firmly shaking him. He warbled nonsense with a nod and she dropped him. He fumbled and scurried off, his face covered in soot and eyes brimming with tears. That dealt with, her focus shifted to Arthur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven Language Guide
> 
> Ar lath- I love you.  
> Ar lasa mala revas- You are free; I give you your freedom.  
> Da’len- Little one.  
> Da’mi- Little blade (term of endearment).  
> Dareth shiral- Farewell; safe journey.  
> Da’vehnan- Little heart (term of endearment).  
> Dirthara-ma- May you learn (used as a curse).  
> Evanuris- The elven pantheon or “the creators.”  
> Falon- Friend.  
> Falon’Din enasal enaste- A prayer for the dead.  
> Ghilas- Go or to go.  
> Ir- I am.  
> Ir abelas- I’m sorry.  
> Lasa ghilan- Grant me guidance.  
> Lathbora viran- Roughly translated, "the path to a place of lost love,"/ a longing for a thing one can never really know.  
> Lethallin (male)/Lethallan (female)- Family or clansman.  
> Ma melana sahlin- My time is come.  
> Ma serannas- Thank you or my thanks.  
> Ma vhenan- My heart.  
> Na melava halani- You helped me.


	5. Amalthea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is reunited with his mother.

The boy was crumpled up on the deck, wracked with sobs. Kehdana rushed to his side, rolling him onto his back, “Da’mi, are you---” She cut off short seeing his hands snapping and sizzling with jolts of electricity; she wrapped sure fingers around his twitching hands, trying to soothe the heated flesh.

“Dahna, help me…” he managed through his cries as Kehdana bundled him into her arms. Holding him tightly against her chest, she grabbed her packs and all but sprinted back to their cubby in the undercarriage; no one tried to hail her as she ran. She gently situated the terrified child on the ground, his hands still crackling with uncontrolled power.

“You have to steady your breathing,” she urged the boy, taking his hands in her own once again and breathing loudly for him to follow. He tried to heed, starting a deep breath, but at the top of his inhale he lost his small measure of composure and started to bawl freely again. “It’s okay da’mi… I'm here,” she murmured.

After an hour, Arthur had cried himself out; his eyes swollen and bloodshot from the tears, but Kehdana had managed to walk him through a method of restraining his new-found powers. “What's going to happen to me?” Arthur squeaked, eyes glued to his hands, finally returned to normal.

The elf wrapped a strong arm around him, “You will learn to regulate your powers in time; your mother may choose to find a mentor for you, or she could send you to the circle… they will show you everything you need to know to protect yourself and to thrive.”

The boy risked a glance at Kehdana, “You… I didn't know you were…”

“A mage,” she finished the sentence for him as he trailed off. “I suppose it's good that we found each other when we did.”

“Is this how it always happens?” he prodded, fear tainting his voice.

“It happens differently for everyone,” she sighed. “It depends on the circumstances. When my powers started to manifest, I accidentally caught my family’s aravel on fire. My family had to move me to another clan---”

“Why?” he chimed, not quite letting her finish.

“Not because I torched the aravel,” she assured him with a chuckle. “Within a clan, you can only have so many mages. Our clan’s Keeper already had a First and another possible apprentice, so they sent me to Keeper Deshanna, to be her First,” Kehdana explained as best she could, and Arthur seemed content with the answer.

“What about your old clan? Don't they miss you?” he asked, his eyes beginning to swim with sorrow.

The elf heaved a sigh, she tried hard not to think about her roots. “Well, da’mi… a little while after I moved to clan Lavellan, my old clan was attacked. They were wiped out…” Arthur didn't respond, he only hooked his small fingers into hers. Oddly, Kehdana felt better having said it aloud after such a long time.

The last five days of travel went by quickly, Arthur never daring to leave Kehdana’s side. The elf told him as much as she could of magic; explaining to him the different ways of controlling his power and telling him about all the types of spells he could learn. The bloodthirsty scum had kept his word; neither captain nor crew approached Kehdana about the incident on the main deck and the food she had stolen from under their noses was more than enough to carry them through.

As the sun neared its apex, Kehdana and Arthur ventured up to the main deck. There, like a gift from the Creators, they could see land in the distance. “Is that Jader?!” Arthur yelled excitedly, tugging Kehdana to the railing for a better view.

“I think so,” Kehdana beamed as she picked the child up, settling him onto her hip. “We've finally made it.” The boy’s small arms snaked around Kehdana’s neck and he pecked her cheek with a tiny kiss. “What was that for?” she quizzed, taken aback by the gesture.

“You're my hero, Dahna. You saved me.” His words caused tears to well up in the elf’s eyes.

“No da’mi, it is you who saved me.”

They watched in silence as Jader crept up to the boat; the life droning within the city obvious long before they were able to dock. Once the anchor had dropped and the crowd thinned a bit, Arthur and Kehdana abandoned ship; Arthur had returned to his refusal of letting Kehdana’s hand go, and she gave in, having enjoyed the child’s company more each day.

“Where will your mum be, da’mi?” Kehdana asked once their feet were again on solid ground; although she would have loved to relish in her return to land, she wanted to see Arthur home safe even more.

His face distorted into thought for a moment before he nodded and decidedly replied, “I think she will be at home. I might even remember where it is!” His excitement was overflowing and he began dragging the mage inland. Kehdana scrutinized the blur of faces and buildings that she was hurried passed, suddenly pulled down an alley that threw shadows across the pair.

Kehdana’s vision quickly adjusted to the change of lighting and she switched her packs to the opposite shoulder, passing Arthur from her left hand to her right. “How much farther, Arthur? Do you remember where you’re going?” she pressed, though, Arthur barely heard her.

“This way!” he exclaimed, ducking out of the alley and turning down a wide bricked street.

“Arthur!” she hissed, but again he paid her no mind. He stopped abruptly at a small intersection; contemplatively mumbling to himself as he tried identifying the path from his memory. Impatient, Kehdana was about to protest when he livened and towed her down the leftmost street, through a muster of affronted townies. He screeched to a halt in front of a small wooden house with a bright red door.

“This is it!” he cheered as he led the elf down a small rock path, lined with beautifully colored potted flowers, to the front entry. He raised his hand to knock, then peered at Kehdana uncertain. She smiled at him, squeezing his hand that still gripped hers; assured, he resumed, placing three rigid rasps on the door. For a moment that kept stretching on, there was nothing, followed by a period of muffled shuffling.

Crash. Bang. Silence. Arthur’s eyes stayed trained on the door.

“Who is it?” called a soft, singsong voice.

“MA!” Arthur practically screamed at the wood, startling Kehdana a bit. 

There was a few frantic footsteps, then the door clicked and flew open; a tall, stunning woman stood framed by the entry, her worried blue eyes searching Kehdana’s face apprehensively before her gaze fell to Arthur. The woman gasped, tears instantly leaping to her eyes. 

Kehdana leaned against the doorway, watching as the freckled woman with cropped brown hair fell to her knees, enveloping the child in a deep embrace that touched Kehdana’s heart. She was elated that she was able to reunite this family, and it soothed a wound buried deep within her soul.

After the woman had thoroughly smothered her child in kisses and held him long enough to ensure he was real, she stood and turned to the waiting elf. “I don’t know what to say…” the woman sniffed, still fighting the want to cry. “My name is Amalthea. I can’t ever repay you for this, but---”

Kehdana raised her hand and the woman cut her sentence short with a soft click of her teeth. “I don’t need payment, your son helped me more than you will ever know; but I must have a word with you in private,” she kept her own voice even, covering the swell of emotion that their reunion brought. The fair woman nodded, returning to her boy for a moment; with a whisper and a kiss she swept back to Kehdana.

“This way,” she gestured gracefully, her poise restored. The elf followed her into a small room, lit by a splay of candles across the single table that inhabited the space. “Did something happen? I was expecting my mother to come with him,” she kept her back turned to Kehdana when she spoke.

“I’m so sorry,” she sighed, and the woman turned to face her, eyes again ready to weep. “From what I gathered… the templars raided their home. Killed the boy’s father, and his grandma… your mother…” Kehdana tried to find the right words, but she knew Amalthea understood as a quivering hand had been raised to her mouth to stifle the lament that overwhelmed her. Unsure of what to do, the elf allowed the woman a moment to regain herself.

“I… thank you so much for bringing him here; I don’t know what I would---” another sob stopped her short.

“There is… one more thing,” Kehdana added once the woman stilled once more. Amalthea’s pained eyes concentrated on the elf’s face. “He is a mage...”

“A mage?” she echoed, her body tensing and breath catching.

“Yes, his talents began to show on the ship,” Kehdana continued.

“Talents…” she repeated, the threat of crying suddenly fleeing.

Kehdana eyed the woman, “There’s a lot that can be taught to him. I will give you coin to buy him a tutor, or I’m sure I could have him accepted by a Dalish clan, or even moved to the Circle.” Amalthea straightened herself, nodding absentmindedly. “It is important that he receives some measure of training though,” she added, but it appeared Arthur’s mother had checked out and her shimmering blue eyes weren't seeing the room in front of her. “... Lady Amalthea?...”

She shook her head, fluttering her eyelids for a moment, clearing the images that had taken over. “I'm sorry miss…?”

“Kehdana Lavellan,” she added helpfully.

“Kehdana, right. I just need a moment,” she paused, giving her plain tan dress a ruffle, “to process.”

The elf nodded, “Of course, please. I'll be here if you need me for a bit; but I must bid you farewell shortly.” Amalthea gave the slightest curtsy as she maneuvered back down the hall to her son, his entire demeanor brightened when he caught sight of her.

His mother lowered herself to the floor, dress pooling out around her crossed legs; the child, without command, climbed into her lap. His legs dangled over the side of hers and he was talking feverishly to tell her about the boat and his magic. She smiled, her eyes never moving from Arthur as she laughed and coddled him, frequently grasping or kissing his face.

Arthur's eyes flashed up, and he shot a wide smile at his friend, who waited in the hall. Kehdana smiled back, the remnants of joy still tingling her, and his attention promptly turned back to Amalthea. After a few more bouts of Arthur's happy ranting, Amalthea leaned her face close to the boys, whispering in his ear. His face was unreadable as he listened intently to her words. He nodded, smiling at his mother, then she continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven Language Guide
> 
> Ar lath- I love you.  
> Ar lasa mala revas- You are free; I give you your freedom.  
> Da’len- Little one.  
> Da’mi- Little blade (term of endearment).  
> Dareth shiral- Farewell; safe journey.  
> Da’vehnan- Little heart (term of endearment).  
> Dirthara-ma- May you learn (used as a curse).  
> Evanuris- The elven pantheon or “the creators.”  
> Falon- Friend.  
> Falon’Din enasal enaste- A prayer for the dead.  
> Ghilas- Go or to go.  
> Ir- I am.  
> Ir abelas- I’m sorry.  
> Lasa ghilan- Grant me guidance.  
> Lathbora viran- Roughly translated, "the path to a place of lost love,"/ a longing for a thing one can never really know.  
> Lethallin (male)/Lethallan (female)- Family or clansman.  
> Ma melana sahlin- My time is come.  
> Ma serannas- Thank you or my thanks.  
> Ma vhenan- My heart.  
> Na melava halani- You helped me.


	6. "I Am Become Death"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kehdana must go on!

Amalthea plunged a dagger into the boy’s neck; his smile wiped clean, replaced with a confused cry and trickles of crimson. Arthur searched his mother’s poignant face, when no answers were found, he looked to Kehdana. It had happened so fast, she couldn't intervene; for a moment she stood there gasping, as if Amalthea had drove the blade into the Kehdana’s heart rather than through her boy’s throat. The gaping, numbing pain that spread across her body was quickly devoured in a mindless rage.

She cried out, once, a horrible mixture of agony and ire. Amalthea remained unmoved, except for her brimming eyes which flashed up to stare blankly through Kehdana; her mouth moved once, as if trying to make an excuse for what she did. The mage screamed again, a howl of pure violence, all of her hurt and hatred directed at the murderer. Amalthea’s hands flew to the sides of her head and she began to shriek in torment, her cry colliding with the elf’s. Kehdana’s magic was boiling inside of the human; causing her skin to burn, her organs to fail, and her veins to erupt. She fell back, convulsing violently, Arthur still motionless in her lap as her head bashed repeatedly against the floor. Blood poured from her orifices mingling with the pool of her child’s; and her wails slowly faded into a gargled fight for air, until she was finally still.

Shaking, Kehdana rushed to the pair and took Arthur’s dying body into her arms; his dull eyes flicked across her face, he tried to speak, but the blade had gone through his esophagus and he only sputtered blood. “I'm so sorry…” her voice trembled, tears falling freely down her face. How could I have been so blind… so blind with hope… “I was supposed to protect you da’mi,” she gasped. The warning was there, this is all my fault…

His words taunted her, Because he was magic… That's why mom left… 

Frantically, the mage focused on Arthur's bloodstained face; she summoned her every ounce of power and willed it to help him… to do anything for him. Her limited knowledge of healing magic was no rival to the moral wound though and, as she desperately clung to him, his eyes flitted and his head dropped back with a final gurgle through his ichor. “Arthur… please…” she begged, tears streaming down her cheeks, “I’m sorry! Please!” She held the boy’s corpse to her, sobbing, until her throat was raw from pleading for him to come back and her eyes were swollen and bloodshot.

Eventually, Kehdana knew she had to go; she couldn’t afford any more of her mission’s time to her own mistake. When she stood, she caught sight of herself in a dirty mirror askew on the wall; she was covered in dirt and blood, Arthur’s blood. The sight panicked her and she felt overwhelmingly guilty, as though she had killed them both with her own hands. She found a basin and some cloths in a backroom; fiercely scrubbing at the drying blood on her skin and armor as she tried to calm the sick feeling in her stomach.

As soon as she was presentable, she guided herself back into the main room, her legs wobbly beneath her. “Lathbora viran… Falon’Din enasal enaste,” she intoned as she carefully made her way to the front door, gathering her belongings. She stopped short of pushing it open and faced the heart numbing sight once more, Arthur’s words still reverberating within her being. “Now, I am become death. Dirthara-ma,” she cursed herself as she shoved out into the crisp Jader sea air. 

She felt their stares boring into her; she swore everyone she passed eyed her suspiciously… like they knew. Kehdana felt the urge to run, she felt guilty and heartbroken. The elf kept control of her breathing, careful to walk calmly through the throng of colorfully dressed Orlesians; but she knew she stuck out. Glancing up, she assessed that only a few hours had slipped by since docking, and she decided to hike to the outskirts of the city to find a place to camp for the night. Somewhere away from their scrutiny, she thought, shuffling the bags to her left shoulder.

She found a small den tucked into the mountainside just as Jader was overrun with dark, looming clouds. Kehdana made sure she was hidden, then got comfortable and waited for the impending rain. The elf could have easily slept through the storm, she found them rather calming; but every time she closed her eyes, she was there again, standing in that room. It troubled her more deeply than anything she could remember, and it haunted her fiercely that night.

Dawn was a welcome sight and Kehdana made no delay in resuming her journey, eager to have a task to distract herself with. She wanted to reach the Frostback Mountains which overlooked the entire trail to Haven and the Conclave. The elf kept her mind concentrated on moving quickly enough to keep warm as she transitioned to the snowier landscape; her dalish armor, though lined with a thin layer of hide, wasn't nearly thick enough to keep the chill of Ferelden’s border at bay.

Her trek to Haven took another five days; the mage barely managed to sleep through one full night, but she covered ground swiftly, travelling anytime she could see the road ahead of her. After Jader, Kehdana caught sight of several groups of templars and mages trudging towards the Conclave. Even though Divine Justinia had arranged an armistice while the alliance was in negotiations, Kehdana kept her distance from both parties.

The sun was nearly setting and Kehdana was exhausted from a mixture of failure to sleep and pushing her body to its limits. With a relieved huff, she trod over the last hill that gave way to the newly rebuilt Temple of Sacred Ashes. She decided to camp outside of the Conclave for the night, she needed to rest; going in for information with a foggy head would do her no good. From her perch in the side of the mountains she could peer down and catch sight of the mages and templars that had arrived; there was a palpable tension between the bodies, although, everyone seemed to be genuinely civil. Well, it's not a huge massacre yet… that's a good sign, she mocked inwardly with a smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven Language Guide
> 
> Ar lath- I love you.  
> Ar lasa mala revas- You are free; I give you your freedom.  
> Da’len- Little one.  
> Da’mi- Little blade (term of endearment).  
> Dareth shiral- Farewell; safe journey.  
> Da’vehnan- Little heart (term of endearment).  
> Dirthara-ma- May you learn (used as a curse).  
> Evanuris- The elven pantheon or “the creators.”  
> Falon- Friend.  
> Falon’Din enasal enaste- A prayer for the dead.  
> Ghilas- Go or to go.  
> Ir- I am.  
> Ir abelas- I’m sorry.  
> Lasa ghilan- Grant me guidance.  
> Lathbora viran- Roughly translated, "the path to a place of lost love,"/ a longing for a thing one can never really know.  
> Lethallin (male)/Lethallan (female)- Family or clansman.  
> Ma melana sahlin- My time is come.  
> Ma serannas- Thank you or my thanks.  
> Ma vhenan- My heart.  
> Na melava halani- You helped me.


	7. The Conclave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, her destination is within reach.

An uneasy sleep finally stole Kehdana into its clutches; trapping her within the fade as the last remnants of sunlight slipped from the sky. The small cave she had taken refuge in transformed to a dark and twisted domain. In the foggy dim, the stalactites seemed like bared teeth and all that she feared to see was inescapable. A strange man was leaning over Amalthea and Arthur’s bloody bodies in the corner of the gloom; in the blur she could tell the figure was shaking. He turned accusing eyes to the elf, frozen in horror, “What have you done?!” His voice was uneven, “My family!” he screamed hysterically. Kehdana took a step backwards, tripping and falling hard onto the ground, her head cracking down with a jolt of pain. She cried out, trying to scramble back, away from the terrifying images; when she realized she had slipped in a puddle of blood seeping from a mangled corpse with a familiar face.

She called out again, but no more than a stifled whimper escaped her lips. Tears began streaming down Kehdana’s face, “Mamae?” she whispered, her voice choked. The dull eyes twitched to Kehdana’s, driving more fear into her heart.

“Murderer,” the body gargled. Kehdana shook her head furiously but the image repeated itself, “Murderer.”

Fresh tear drops blinded her as she stood and ran towards the darkness, away from the nightmares. She smashed into a solid form and again found herself thrown to the dirt; peering up at the ominous figure that had stepped forward to loom over the mortified Kehdana. “Papae, ir abelas,” she sobbed as he leaned closer; coagulated blood trickled down his face and a chunk rolled off his chin, splattering onto the elf.

She was finally able to scream, piercing and afraid; over her he boomed, “Deserter. Murderer.” She tried to turn away, but the corpses were surrounding her; they’re nearly lifeless faces all chanting, cursing her. Utterly afraid, Kehdana curled up into a ball, trying to block them out.

A sudden silence caused Kehdana to crack her eyes open; the gruesome Arthur was standing forward, his arms slightly open towards the crying mage. “Let me in… let me live,” he said. “You ended my life, I deserve to live.”

The snivelling elf reached trembling fingers towards his bloody face, “Arthur…”

His cold, clammy hands closed around hers and again he spoke, “Let me in, let me live.”

The others said it with him the second time, “Let me in, let me live.” 

Kehdana felt numb and unsure, she sniffled, “Please, Arthur… I don't know what you mean, I---”

“Let me in, let me live,” they chanted again. The voices had grown sinister, and Arthur’s eyes were wicked and filled with evil. Kehdana jerked her hand away from the imposter with a mortified shudder.

“No, demon!” she yelled, the horrors before her sneering with anger.

The bloody boy howled with rage as he began to claw at the elf, “Let me in,” he tore at Kehdana’s flesh, “let me live!” The other bodies started in, pinning her down and ripping at her.

Kehdana ignited; the attackers stumbling back and bursting into flames, all but Arthur; whose skin began to stretch and distort until it was no longer Arthur, but a twisted desire demon hissing in front of her.

She pushed her energy forward as she sprung to her feet, knocking the monster back a few steps. The wicked figure quickly rebounded though, throwing herself at the terror-stricken mage; their bodies collided with a painful crack, and the demon had Kehdana back on the ground. The elf screamed, fear gripping her tightly. In the midst of her panic, she became engulfed in hot blue flame; eliciting a small shriek from the demon.

When she opened her eyes next, she was awake, lying in the burning cave alone. She withdrew her magic and the flames crackled out quickly; she was shaking and drenched in sweat from a mixture of fear and fire.

The sun had not yet risen, but the sky was beginning to lighten. She stood abruptly, not wanting to stay idle any longer, and gathered her packs. She began clambering down the hill, trying to keep her mind from wandering back to her nightmares. Her only goal was reaching the Conclave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven Language Reference
> 
> Ar lath- I love you.  
> Ar lasa mala revas- You are free; I give you your freedom.  
> Da’len- Little one.  
> Da’mi- Little blade (term of endearment).  
> Dareth shiral- Farewell; safe journey.  
> Da’vehnan- Little heart (term of endearment).  
> Dirthara-ma- May you learn (used as a curse).  
> Evanuris- The elven pantheon or “the creators.”  
> Falon- Friend.  
> Falon’Din enasal enaste- A prayer for the dead.  
> Ghilas- Go or to go.  
> Ir- I am.  
> Ir abelas- I’m sorry.  
> Lasa ghilan- Grant me guidance.  
> Lathbora viran- Roughly translated, "the path to a place of lost love,"/ a longing for a thing one can never really know.  
> Lethallin (male)/Lethallan (female)- Family or clansman.  
> Mamae- Mother.  
> Ma melana sahlin- My time is come.  
> Ma serannas- Thank you or my thanks.  
> Ma vhenan- My heart.  
> Na melava halani- You helped me.  
> Papae- Father.


	8. The Inquisition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is fluff to fill into my next story point; you've played the game, I am not going to rehash every cut scene... Just the good ones! ;)

I can’t believe this… Divine Justinia dead… my life tied to that of the Inquisition; a Chantry based order filled with ex-templars and apostates tasked with restoring order to Thedas! What did I get myself into? Kehdana’s mind was spinning as she sat in the tavern, pounding yet another ale. She thought of the Breach in the sky and how the mark that seethed with unknown power on her left hand had failed to seal it completely. Now she had to go back, back to the place that Death had nearly embraced her twice; they needed more power though.

Commander Cullen believed that the templars could provide them with the power, but Kehdana was cautious to agree to working with those who wish to control or destroy the mages. Going to the mages in Redcliffe was the second option, the one Kehdana was leaning towards, but the War Council still needed time to prepare and gain power. Another ale gone and Kehdana’s mind was rather blurry; I need air, she thought suddenly shoving back from the bar and shambling out of the tavern. 

She could hear people whisper as she walked by, “That's her, that's the Herald of Andraste! They say Andraste delivered her from the Fade!” Andraste… they know I'm Elven right? I suppose Andraste could be exists… 

Laughter pulled her free of her own thoughts; Varric was spinning a tale for Cullen, Curly he kept calling him. Kehdana sat down beside Cullen and Varric quickly caught her in his web. The hairy-chested dwarf recalled his time with the Champion of Kirkwall; how the brave mage Hawke and her mischievous friends had gone through inconceivable challenges and then finally managed to convince the Qunari to leave Kirkwall before their chaos collapsed the city. “Only that kind of trouble can happen when Hawke is around,” he ended, his audience joining in his hearty laugh.

“Did it really happen like that, Varric?” Kehdana asked, astounded at the story. 

He only responded with a quirky chuckle and a slap on Kehdana’s back before disappearing into another conversation with a passing Inquisition scout. Cullen turned to her with a smile, her eyes tracing the scar that curved over his lip. “He's quite the storyteller, either way. I admit to being a fan… don't tell him that though, I'd never hear the end of it,” he teased and the mage laughed again, promising her secrecy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven Language Guide  
> Ar lath- I love you.  
> Ar lasa mala revas- You are free; I give you your freedom.  
> Da’len- Little one.  
> Da’mi- Little blade (term of endearment).  
> Dareth shiral- Farewell; safe journey.  
> Da’vehnan- Little heart (term of endearment).  
> Dirthara-ma- May you learn (used as a curse).  
> Evanuris- The elven pantheon or “the creators.”  
> Falon- Friend.  
> Falon’Din enasal enaste- A prayer for the dead.  
> Ghilas- Go or to go.  
> Ir- I am.  
> Ir abelas- I’m sorry.  
> Lasa ghilan- Grant me guidance.  
> Lathbora viran- Roughly translated, "the path to a place of lost love,"/ a longing for a thing one can never really know.  
> Lethallin (male)/Lethallan (female)- Family or clansman.  
> Mamae- Mother.  
> Ma melana sahlin- My time is come.  
> Ma serannas- Thank you or my thanks.  
> Ma vhenan- My heart.  
> Na melava halani- You helped me.  
> Papae- Father.


	9. Mages, Oh My!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scene is after the Inquisition has recruited the mages from Redcliffe to help them close the Breach!

Kehdana sat on the edge of the icy dock, utterly exhausted from the venture to Redcliffe; her eyes lazily tracing the frozen lake’s surface as puffs of her breath joined the snowy winds. She struggled to comprehend the experiences she had just gone through; discovering Alexius and his cult of Venatori, being shoved through time into a living hell, and learning about Corypheus, this so-called Elder One. Solas’s warning hung heavy above her, “Eventually Corypheus will show himself, he must be angry that we continue to foil his plans.” Thank the Creators that the mages agreed to help us close the Breach… not all is lost.

“You know, this lake is not nearly as dazzling as I am.”

A smile broke across the elf’s face as she looked to Dorian; the Tevinter mage who risked everything to help them in Redcliffe. Through her grin she tried to shoot him a glare; though, he hardly heeded it as he sat down beside her. “Now that we've got the mages, we can seal the Breach, right? Ghastly looking thing...”

Kehdana sighed as she plopped down, laying onto the dock with a thud. “I hope so. Are… you okay? I know Alexius was your mentor, and Felix a friend…”

Dorian gazed out over the solid lake for a few moments, his fingers deftly toying with one of the many buckles on his light armor. Slowly, he looked back to Kehdana, “Alexius was a good man…” he stressed the word ‘was’ and ended on a sigh. “Poor Felix,” he muttered, shaking his head. 

The Herald wrapped an arm around the man’s shoulders, “Want to go to the tavern and see what kind of trouble Sera can get us into?”

Dorian’s face lightened a little as he smirked up to Kehdana, “Let’s see... get trashed and forget about our problems so we can save the world tomorrow? Count me in!”


	10. Scar in the Sky

Kehana found herself on the frozen dock once more. Haven celebrated the closing of the Breach in the village above her, celebrated her; but Kehdana only thought of what would come next as she stared at the light green scar in the sky far above her. The untamed magic that once spread through her hand and arm in agonizing pain was now calm, unnoticeable beneath her gauntlet. She had half expected the mark to disappear along with the hole in the sky, but that clearly wasn’t the case. 

“They’re beginning to wonder where you’ve gone, Herald. This is your victory after all,” Cassandra’s heavy accent drawing Kehdana’s attention to her.

“We all did this, luck put me at the center,” Kehdana chimed as she forced herself up. 

Cassandra’s lips tugged into the slightest smile as she replied, “I don’t know if we need more or less of it.”

The pair slowly trudged through Haven’s open gates and up the stairs to the small landing where Varric stood. “Seeker! Herald! A celebration!” he exclaimed, raising his tankard to the women. The whole village was bustling about; singing and drinking to the Inquisition’s victory. For a moment, surrounded by her new friends, Kehdana felt relief.

Bells sounded from the Chantry behind them; Kehdana and Cassandra looking about in confusion. “Forces approaching! To arms!” Cullen yells, rallying his troops as he runs towards the main gates. Kehdana’s eyes searched the distant mountain, an army was beginning to crest it’s peak, making the descent to Haven. The villager’s joyous drone turned into a tangle of terrified cries.

“Kehdana, we need to get to the gates!” Cassandra cried sprinting ahead. The elf felt suddenly stricken, her eyes unmoved from the growing forces pouring over the mountain.

“C’mon silly!” Sera insisted, tugging Kehdana’s armor until she was standing in reality again. The elf’s eyes met briefly before they both ran in Cassandra’s footsteps to the gates.


	11. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scene is set after Kehdana’s first encounter with Corypheus. The avalanche she launched to slow his attack has destroyed all of Haven and consumed a large portion of Corypheus’s army, hopefully giving the Inquisition time to prepare for their next encounter.

It was the frost nibbling at her face that brought Kehdana back around; the throbbing pain in her head came next, followed by a small cry of pain. She gingerly rolled to her side, suddenly aware of her almost certainly broken ribs, and looked at the whitewash surrounding her. The now destroyed mine entrance was all that had saved her from being demolished by the avalanche… the avalanche she started. She cringed at the thought. May Mythal protect those who were forced from their homes. Falon’Din enasal enaste, Kehdana thought as she struggled to her knees in the thick, frozen snow. She gasped in anguish as she fought to free her twisted ironbark staff from the rubble and ice. When her breath was again calm, she made a quick gesture with her staff, casting the small healing spell her Keeper had taught her. As she was not a spirit mage, the spell did little to ease the pain, but the blood oozing from her side stopped.

Kehdana struggled her way deeper into the dim cavern, the sound of her laboured shuffling echoing around her for what seemed like hours until she saw slivers of light ahead. The cave mouth had been nearly filled and Kehdana sent a ball of fire into the snow, widening the gap. She clambered into the open air only to be greeted by hammering hail and bitter wind that howled in agony. Lasa ghilan. I need to find the others, she told herself as the elf pressed on into the blizzard. The first few miles taxed her the most; her body ached all over and, though she knew the commander saved as many lives as he could, she still felt as though she had blood on her hands…

After walking for what felt like an eternity, the mage’s body was numb. Her skin felt raw from the whipping winds and she had to force her limbs to move. Every inhale seemed to fill Kehdana’s lungs with ice, and eventually the bitter pain brought her to her knees. Ma melana sahlin, ir abelas. She placed her staff in the snow beside her and bowed her head to ask the Evanuris for safe guidance from this life. Is that smoke I smell? Her eyes searched the snowstorm. There… She used all her might to try standing, but she couldn’t muster the strength to pull herself up again; she started trying to crawl through the mass of snow, but went nowhere. As the snowflakes pelted down, trying to bury the mage, Kehdana once more lost consciousness.


	12. We Wait

“There!” Cullen yelled, pointing some distance past the camp’s entrance. Leliana and Cassandra ran after the Commander towards their Herald. Cullen reached the unresponsive elf first, freeing her slight frame from the snow as he scooped her up into his arms. “She’s freezing,” he uttered to Cassandra as she leaned over to examine Kehdana’s graying skin and blueing lips.

“We need to get her warm. There’s a healer in one of the tents,” Leliana huffed as she caught up and peered over the Seeker’s shoulder. Cullen gave the two women a single nod as he huddled the unconscious mage closer to his chest and started towards the campground, sheltering Kehdana from as much of the blizzard as he could. 

As they neared the campground, Mother Giselle stepped forward. “Bring her here. We were able to get some herbs before we fled Haven; let our healers will see what they can do,” she motioned to the Commander and then strode towards a large red tent set slightly back from the others. Cullen followed her to a pile of blankets and hides near a small fire which the Mother motioned to; he stooped down and carefully situated Kehdana, she never roused. “Leave us,” Mother Giselle swooned softly in her thick accent. Cullen hesitated, running fingers through his straw colored locks and stealing a worried glance at Kehdana before ducking out of the tent after Cassandra and Leliana. When he looked back, the healers had already closed the makeshift door and begun their work. He nervously rubbed the back of his head, ruffling his wavy hair, mind beginning to brood when he caught sight of the Seeker moving towards him. 

“What do we do now?” she asked him wearily, each of her breaths sending soft clouds of condensation to the wind. 

With a burdened sigh he replied, “We wait for her to wake… we find somewhere and start again. All of these people are counting on us.” He paced slowly between the healing tent and the large fire at the center of camp, his golden eyes taking in the heartbreaking sight of the survivors huddled near one another; Josephine was meandering between them, no doubt offering much needed consolation. 

Leliana stepped in front of Cullen to block his pacing, “We should get everyone moving in the morning. It's nearly dusk now, and we don't want to travel through the night’s storm.” He nodded absentmindedly in response, and Leliana placed her small gloved hand on his shoulder to get his full attention. “We did all that we could. You… did all you could.” Cullen slumped forward slightly and closed his eyes. 

“Maker’s breath… how did this all go so wrong?” the tone in his voice marked defeat and Leliana shot Cassandra a sad expression. At that moment Mother Giselle emerged from the tent; Cullen straightened himself immediately, and the two women stared at the revered Mother with hopeful eyes. 

She let out a careful sigh and straightened her Chantry robes before addressing the anxious group. “She has not yet stirred. The healers have done all they can to mend her broken ribs and close the lacerations on her head. We simply have to wait now and pray that the Maker leaves her with us,” her voice was solemn. After a moment of silence, she bowed her head and went to help the others who needed her. 

Leliana was the first to break the uncomfortable silence. “I’m going to go update Josephine on the Herald,” she rang sweetly. Cassandra nodded at her before spinning on her heels and heading off to attend her other matters. Leliana lingered for a moment, inspecting Cullen in such a way that he knew she wanted to ask him how he felt. He gave her a deep nod and the slightest half smile, which must have sufficed, for she too left him standing near the open tent. He drew in a deep breath of the frozen air before ducking inside.

Kehdana lay covered near the fire; her armor had been removed, though most of it was replaced with thick cotton bandages. Cullen sat in the wooden chair opposite from the elf with a drained exhale, slumping forward and resting his head into his palms. Every inhale filled his lungs with the rich aroma of herbs and the heavy scent of magic, he hoped it would be enough. As he sat, gazing at the sleeping mage through the flames, devoured in thought, sleep gently stole him.


	13. The Dawn Will Come

Kehdana awoke suffocating and full of fear; until she realized she was only being smothered by thick hide blankets. She shuffled the covers aside with some difficulty, every small movement made her healing skin feel as though it would rip back open. She laid back, already feeling overexerted and began surveying the small dim tent, her eyes stopping on commander Cullen. He was dozing off in the chair on the other side of the fire, the faintest snore could be heard over the small crackling flames. Kehdana thought he looked rather divine in the flickering firelight. “Na melava halani,” she murmured softly. The handsome man stirred gently but did not wake. Kehdana noticed the waterskin laying next to her bedding and began gulping it down, painfully aware in that moment of her fatigue.

Cullen jerked awake and jumped abruptly to his feet, unintentionally casting the chair into the side of the tent; which caused Kehdana to spray her mouthful of water across the tent towards Cullen. For a moment they stared at each other, the only sound was stray water droplets hissing in the fire. Then together they began to chuckle nervously, Cullen rubbing the back of his head uneasily. He cleared his throat, retrieved the chair, and settled beside where Kehdana rested. “I’m.. we’re glad to see you are awake, Herald. How do you feel?”

She decided against telling him how badly laughing hurt her ribs and instead replied softly that she felt well, “Is everyone else okay? The villagers? Corypheus---”

“Right now, our only concern is that you are alive. We did manage to save most of the residents of Haven, and there has been no sign of Corypheus,” he cut her off. He couldn't have known how tense she was if her body didn't relax slightly at his reassurance, and he felt an overwhelming urge to comfort her. “If you wouldn't have made it…” his voice was soft and his amber eyes were lowered.

“But I did,” she tenderly protested, trying to sit up only to wince in pain and collapse back. Cullen was instantly kneeling beside her wearing a worried expression with his hand gently on her shoulder. 

“Are you alright?” 

Kehdana stared up into his golden eyes and she suddenly felt full of emotion. She wanted to tell him that she wasn’t okay, that none of this was supposed to happen, and most of all, that she was afraid. She wanted him to tell her that everything was going to be okay.

“Herald, you’re awake!” Josephine exclaimed. Caught off guard, Cullen jumped to the ready and sent the chair skidding across the tent once more. Josephine’s eyes darted to the elf, then the commander, and back for a moment before she began giggling uncontrollably. “I will go tell Mother Giselle that you are up,” she chimed. Commander Cullen cleared his throat and the pair exchanged apprehensive glances.

“I will leave you to your discussions,” said the Commander dutifully and he was gone before Kehdana could object, quickly replaced with Mother Giselle.

“It is good to see you awake, we were quite worried, but it appears the Maker is on our side. Even though Haven is lost, Corypheus has been delayed giving us all a better chance. Thanks to you,” Mother Giselle's words flowed gracefully, though the elf wanted to shy away from them; she felt like no hero. Before she could deject any of the Mother’s claims, the woman had gathered her absurd robes and made an elegant exit, leaving Kehdana alone with her whirling thoughts and aching body.


	14. Skyhold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make me better,   
> Kudos make me work harder!  
> <3 <3 <3  
> Love always,  
> Kehdana

The sun slowly crested the mountains surrounding the camp; brilliant lights glinted off the ice and bounced through the canyon. The Inquisition prepared for the journey to a new fortress; one Solas claimed was waiting for a power like theirs to hold it. Hearts were heavy in every chest as the group began the steady trek, leaving deep trenches in the crunchy snow. Silently, they pushed on.

Kehdana scouted ahead, her body was still sore, but her mind was determined. The cold did little to deter her as she scaled the mountain with the grace only an elf could possess. Her fingers were numb and nearly bloody as she hoisted herself up another frozen rock; finally looking over the ridge of the mountain.

“Skyhold,” Solas announced as he silently arrived behind her. Kehdana took a moment to examine the fortress; though, it was really more like a castle. There was only one entrance on the opposite side of a massive bridge built into the mountains and high, dark stone walls surrounded the grounds. There was more than enough room for everyone within and it appeared able to withstand much. Kehdana turned to the bald mage, who was quietly studying her; his lips gently curling into a smile that matched her own.

As the villagers reached the peak, their troubles seemed farther away and the only thing they focused on was going home. People were ushered through the gatehouse, ducking under the half-lowered portcullis, and gathering in the yard; waiting to see what came next. 

Amidst the masses, Kehdana caught sight of Cullen, Josephine, Leliana, and Cassandra huddled together talking feverishly. The elf tried to listen in, but the commotion around her would not permit. Cassandra’s eyes drift up, catching sight of Kehdana; she motions for the Herald to join them. The entire group watches her approach, and as she nears, everyone but Cassandra departs. Kehdana can't help but feel slightly nervous, despite the small smile tugging at the Seeker’s lips. 

Cassandra began walking through the courtyard, towards the stairs leading to the main hall. She begins talking about Corypheus as they ascend the steps; explaining that Kehdana was the creature’s rival because of all she had done to stop him. “... and we know it… all of us.” The Seeker stops on the first landing, Leliana is waiting there; in her hands rests a beautiful weapon. A powerful sword, with the image of a dragon curling up around the grip, it’s massive head forming the cross-guard. “The inquisition needs a leader… the one who has already been leading it. You.”

Surprise clutched the elf and her breath caught in her lungs; confused, she looks into the courtyard. Everyone was down there, looking up at her. Her eyes found Cullen, standing with his soldiers, Josephine waiting expectantly behind him. With her mind swirling, all she could manage was, “It’s unanimous? You all have that much confidence in me?” 

“All of these people have their lives because of you. They will follow,” the Seeker replied.

The elf studied her face for a moment, “That wasn’t the question…”

“I will not lie, handing this power to anyone is troubling, but I have to believe this is meant to be. There would be no Inquisition without you. How it will serve, how you will lead… that must be yours to decide.”

Gingerly, Kehdana wrapped her shaky fingers around the hilt of the sword. “Corypheus will never let me live in peace. He made that clear; he intends to be a ‘God’ to rule over us all. Corypheus must be stopped!”

Cassandra dipped her head respectfully, “Wherever you lead us.” She walked to the edge of the landing, peering over. “Have our people been told?” she called down.

Josephine untangled herself from the crowd a bit, stepping forward, “They have. And soon the world!”

“Commander,” Cassandra boomed, “will they follow?”

The man turned to his troops, shoulders set back proudly, “Inquisition, will you follow?” The people’s roar in response sent chills dancing up Kehdana’s spine. “Will you fight?” he continued, raising his arms skyward. Again the entire group shouted in response. “Will we triumph?!” After another wave of thunder Cullen drew his sword, “Your leader! Your Herald! Your Inquisitor!” he finished, raising his blade toward the elf. The rumble that came from below shook Kehdana to her core, and she raised the blade in her own hand high into the air as a response.


	15. Is That Even Possible?

Kehdana leaned over the battlements, scanning the vast white mountain range that cuddled Skyhold as brisk wind gently whipped her hair around her shoulders. It was rare for their party to be home for more than a few days at a time, but every time they returned to the fortress it felt more and more like home to her. People poured in from all corners of Thedas; inspired by Kehdana’s willingness to protect the people at any cost paired with her determination to stop Corypheus. New troops, new alliances, new healers, and the Inquisition was growing into a force to be reckoned with. 

She heard the armored boots long before they reached her, and she knew precisely who it was. “Inquisitor?” His voice sent chills along her spine.

She glanced over her shoulder with a smile, “Cullen, please, you don’t need to be so formal with me.”

His hand absentmindedly began ruffling the back of his straw colored hair, a nervous habit Kehdana noticed he did a lot around her. “Kehdana... I just wanted to…” he tripped over his words, eyes plastered on the ground. The elf patiently waited, her gaze traveling across his strong jawline, seeking out the scar on his upper lip. As she watched him, she realized he looked a little bit like a sad lion. His mantle formed a thick mane around his neck and his golden eyes held more pain than one person should have. “At Haven, if you would have…”

The mage stepped closer, overcome with the urge to comfort him somehow. “Losing one person in the place of an entire village… Cullen, the choice was easy. I have no regrets, even if I would have fallen there, it would have been okay.” His eyes finally lifted to meet hers.

“Ser. A moment please?” Jim interjected, his cheeks flushed from running. The Commander raised an inquisitive eyebrow at Kehdana before switching to business and quickly walking off with Jim.

The elf watched Cullen carry himself away, confused by the tightening of want in the pit of her stomach. An ex-templar and a mage, Kehdana thought, is that even possible?

**Author's Note:**

> Elven Language Guide
> 
> Ar lath- I love you.  
> Ar lasa mala revas- You are free; I give you your freedom.  
> Da’len- Little one.  
> Da’mi- Little blade (term of endearment).  
> Dareth shiral- Farewell; safe journey.  
> Da’vehnan- Little heart (term of endearment).  
> Dirthara-ma- May you learn (used as a curse).  
> Evanuris- The elven pantheon or “the creators.”  
> Falon- Friend.  
> Falon’Din enasal enaste- A prayer for the dead.  
> Ghilas- Go or to go.  
> Ir- I am.  
> Ir abelas- I’m sorry.  
> Lasa ghilan- Grant me guidance.  
> Lathbora viran- Roughly translated, "the path to a place of lost love,"/ a longing for a thing one can never really know.  
> Lethallin (male)/Lethallan (female)- Family or clansman.  
> Ma melana sahlin- My time is come.  
> Ma serannas- Thank you or my thanks.  
> Ma vhenan- My heart.  
> Na melava halani- You helped me.


End file.
